What Have I Become?

I have literally slept for the past 3 days. Last night I finally have had enough. So as I lay there I honestly don't reconginize the man beside he. He has become such a stranger to me. He is not the loving, fun man I married that was always trying to make me feel good and special. I'm nervous. We go to marriage counseling this Thursday. I'm scared to talk to anyone, write anything, or say anything for fear of him. Me the one who lets no one run over me...I am honestly scared of him. I'm not sure why. I've been trying to figure out why I am so afraid. I have nightmares about this stuff. I do realize one thing I don't think my sleeping has been from my slight illness that has caused me extreme amounts of pain but just the fact that if I'm alseep, he's not arguing, wanting to talk, or anything. I guess right now my dreams are my only safe haven I have. That scares me. I hate what I have become and I hate being paralyzed with fear. I have to take the next step but the uncertaintanty is hard. Especially because its not finanically smart for me to do so. I'm scared. Just scared.